canine plastic surgeons?

This morning I was in the subway, travelling downtown and minding my own business, when I saw this advert in the subway:


There are so many confusing things about this advert… apart from it being extreme #FirstWorldProblems, Dr Armond (the “Canine Plastic Surgeon”) has superimposed a licking dog onto himself (the awkwardness of which this picture doesn’t even vaguely show). But my favourite part is undoubtedly the “before” and “after” pictures in the bottom right… apart from the dog changing colour, it also miraculously changed its breed: before the surgery it was a bull dog. After the surgery it was a jack russell. Seriously. Are people supposed to be sold by this ad? I can only imagine what Dr Armond would do to my beloved little sausage dog. Labrador maybe?

Check out Dr Armond’s endorsement advert from some actress or something:–armond-is-here-for-you?xrs=vanity_kroll. It surely can’t be serious. I mean, it’s on Comedy Central right?

In the meantime, back in Zimbabwe, there is a totally different brand of animal issues making news. Like the “chicken thief from Tsholotsho who got a lifetime lesson that stealing does not pay when he began to cluck like a chicken whenever he went near people” … which is even more ridiculous than canine plastic surgeons.

Apparently the man, a guy called Mathe, stole 8 chickens from someone … and then started making chicken sounds a few days later. It allegedly “became worse when he went out or was near other people”. Eventually he went crawling back to the guy he stole the chickens from to confront him about his clucking, which lead to his arrest for theft.

And in typical Zim style, everyone seems to act like this is totally normal behaviour, and it’s reported in a totally serious manner.

“The alleged chicken thief was hauled before Bulawayo magistrate Mr Temba Chimiso and he pleaded guilty to theft charges. He begged the magistrate to be lenient with him as he had already suffered a lot by acting like a chicken for two weeks. Mathe told the magistrate that he was afraid of suffering further if was sent to prison.

“He further told the court that all his efforts of getting help from prophets and traditional healers had been in vain as he was continuously behaving like a chicken.

“Prosecutor Tatenda Dakwa, called witnesses who confirmed that Mathe at times behaved like a chicken. The magistrate then ordered Mathe to pay the chickens before slapping him with 60 days imprisonment with hard labour.”

And then everyone went swiftly on with their lives like involuntarily clucking like a chicken is totally normal behaviour. You gotta love Zim.

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