So it appears that Zimbabwe is all abuzz with the arrest of 3 sisters on charges of aggravated indecent assault and rape (of men… yes). Oh, and they allegedly also harvested semen from their victims. Sophie, one of the sisters, apparently “lists one of her favourite activities as ‘driving around’ and Zimbabwean authorities believe this could be the key to solving a crime that seems to defy logic”.
Stories of women rapists have been doing the rounds in Zimbabwe for the last 2 years or so, with men claiming that they were attacked and raped by women who had offered them a lift. Some of the stories were rather bizarre – in one case a man said that the women threatened him with a snake before raping him. A snake? Not even a gun? Seriously? They also reported that the women rapists brought a mattress with them… which is kinda considerate, you know?
Anyway, now cops are convinced they have the right women in custody. I mean, Sophie listed “driving around” as one of her favourite activities after all, so she must be guilty of raping men. Obviously. It doesn’t state where or when she said that she enjoyed driving around, and I’m yet to come across a police docket that has a “hobbies and interests” section for suspects to complete, so I’m a little sceptical about this admission, but you never know.
The Standard stated that “the trio are reported to have been arrested after they tried to retrieve 31 condoms following an accident in which Sophie’s boyfriend, Thulani, is alleged to have run over and killed a pedestrian”. Huh? Talk about further confusing people with random tangents instead of enlightening them. Apart from, you know, killing a pedestrian, I can’t really see what was so illegal about their behaviour, even if they were trying to retrieve 31 used condoms from the car. But Zimbabwean cops can be random like that, so I’m not hugely surprised.
Once arrested, it was reported that they had to be moved from Gweru to Harare “as the Midlands capital literally ground to a standstill as hundreds of people rushed to the police station in the hope of catching a glimpse of the accused”. Knowing how Zimbabweans love this kind of drama, this is definitely possible (although also highly cringeful).
So what’s the women’s defence? Well, they claim they are “hardworking prostitutes and were too busy to get rid of the condoms”. Now it all makes sense… even the mattress.
However, the rumour mill is still at it with some people claiming that the sisters are involved in the lucrative semen trade. I didn’t know such a trade existed, but then again maybe I just roll in the wrong circles. It’s reported that semen fetches high prices in Dubai. I can’t help wondering why Dubai can’t just source their own semen locally, but whatever. Watch Ruparanganda, a professor of sociology at the University of Zimbabwe, in explaining the semen trade, said that “people believe that sperm can make someone’s luck improve”, including in business matters. As a result, he suspects that “unscrupulous businessmen were behind the sex attacks”.
Others are sceptical of the semen trade explanation, instead asserting that semen is good as both a facial cream and a hair fertiliser. How would they know though? Hmmm… maybe they should stop hurling such judgment at the sisters if it’s something they’ve tried themselves. Just saying.
Anyways, speaking of using sperm as a facial cream, I was watching Jackass the other day and one of the pranks they pulled was to put horse semen into the one guy’s suncream when he wasn’t around. The dude used that semen suncream for a good 3 months before the others told him what they’d done, at which stage he admitted he’d thought the consistency and smell of the suncream was a little weird, but thought that maybe it had just gone funny from being in his hot car for so long. Bless.
His skin looked pretty good though, which is probably why he took the prank better than I would have. I would have just wanted to vomit. Just like I wanted to vomit when I was told that there were human body parts found at Busy Corner, my favourite eatery in Tembisa, and that apparently human remains were being put in the food.
There’s been no confirmation of the story yet and no one knows who actually saw the body parts, so it may not be true. Most people reckon that the rumours were started by haters and competitors trying to destroy Busy Corner. Problem is: who’s going to take the risk on the off-chance that the story is true? It’s just too awkward for words really.
If I go back there, I’ll probably just stick to lamb chops, it’s easy enough to identify them… and people don’t have chops, so it’s safer you know? I’m pretty sure that my Busy Corner boerewors days are over though. Never trust boerewors.