So Lady Gaga has teamed up with Farmville to create the new limited edition Gagaville. I wish I was joking. Apparently it’ll be like Farmville on bling. You can buy all sorts of useless nonsense like crystal sheep, purple ponytails and gem trees. There’s been a bit of an outcry as these limited edition animals and stuff are quite pricey. Seriously? It’s not even real money. You need to get a grip.
I don’t understand Farmville. On a fundamental level. If you play Farmville, please don’t tell me. I will judge you. Severely. We may not be able to be friends any more either as you will have failed a basic intelligence test in my mind. And, whatever you do, don’t publish your stupid photos on my news feed, there are few things that grate my soul more.
Apparently there are a lot of people who are very seriously addicted to Farmville. They water their crops and neglect their families and stuff like that. Dr Phil once had a Farmville addict on his show. Her name was Teresa and she had taken things too far. Their conversation went as follows:
Dr Phil: “Are you worried about your crops as you sit there?”
Teresa: “Before I came here, I made sure that none of the crops were going to die”.
Dr Phil: “There aren’t really any crops. That’s just a little image on a screen. They’re not going to die”.
Dr Phil had to say that to a grown-ass woman, a woman who was a mother nogal.
There are several self-diagnosing aids available so that you can measure your own Farmville addiction. If you say “yes” to too many questions, you should seek professional help immediately. Some of these questionnaires include:
1. You consider quitting your real job and getting a real farm instead.
2. You dream about your farm at night.
3. You no longer care about your pet dog since there are none in Farmville.
4. You wake up earlier than normal every morning just to harvest and replant before you go to work.
5. You’re starting to have more pictures of your FarmVille farm than of your loved one.
6. You forgot you had a loved one.
7. You have at least one neighbor to whom you don’t want to send gifts any more because their farm is already too impressive.
8. You find yourself admiring real life crops while driving.
9. You really believe that you can build a horse stable using horseshoes and harnesses.
Now, if there were a lot of Farmville addicts already, can you imagine what Gagaville is going to do to this situation? It’s going to be a very serious problem. Honestly, it all just makes me weak and judgmental of the human race.